In our first discussion group meeting of the new millennium, we celebrated a milestone of our very own, the conclusion of Chapter 1 of Love and Responsibility.

Although the evening's discussions focused on the ending section of Chapter 1 called “Final Observations,” Peter began with a brief review of what we have covered to date, including the differentiation between subject and object, and Wojtyla's notion of the personalistic norm. Peter then introduced what Wojtyla sets forth on page 66 as the Church's traditional teaching on the three ends of marriage: “Marriage, objectively considered, must provide first of all the means of continuing existence, secondly a conjugal life for man and woman, and thirdly a legitimate orientation for desire.”

Peter commented that one's initial reaction to these three purposes might be one of surprise, given that procreation ranks first in the order of importance of the ends of marriage, ahead of what might be considered love, the “conjugal life for man and woman.” However, it is critical to understand that the Pope views all three aims fully and necessarily in the context and framework of love. He writes that “... the personalistic norm contained in the Gospel commandment to love points to the fundamental way to realize the ends...” and he later adds that the practical realization of each of the three separate purposes of marriage must also mean the successful practice of love as a virtue.

“The idea that the purposes of marriage could be realized on some basis other than the personalistic norm would be utterly un-Christian, because it would not conform to the fundamental ethical postulate of the Gospels. For this reason too we must be very much on guard against trivialization of the teaching of the purposes of marriage. ” Importantly, Wojtyla emphasizes that procreation as the primary end is not something distinct from love. There is no question of suggesting that procreation takes precedence over love.

Why is procreation so important, Peter asked the group. Why did God create the world and allow us to be “cooperators” in the ongoing existence of the human species? It all comes down to God's great love for us. Without existence, there is no opportunity for love. And in fact procreation provides us with an outlet for our own love. Raising children forces couples to extend their love outside of themselves. Good parents are not able to be selfish people! And in some sense the Church's ranking of procreation as the primary end of marriage is a gentle reminder to us that, ultimately, marriage is not primarily for us; it is surely a gift but also a challenge and a sacrifice. Jackie added that the Pope warns against the interpretation of sexuality as being merely an instrument of God. This in fact leads to the puritanical interpretation. A better interpretation, says Wojtyla, is that God wills you to procreate because you are meant to love.

Wojtyla states that the three aims of marriage can only be realized in practice as a single complex aim. Here, he's saying that a marriage without all three of these aims would in some sense be incomplete and incompatible with love between persons. For example, the second aim of marriage, a conjugal life for man and woman is defined by Wojtyla as man and woman living together, complementing each other and supporting each other (mutuum adiutorium). He relates this to education in marriage, mutual education between husband and wife, as a necessary basis for bringing children into the world. He writes, “If there is intimate cooperation between the man and woman in a marriage, and if they are able to educate and complement each other, their love matures to the point at which it is the proper basis for a family.“

Diane raised a question which brought the discussion to the topic of marriage as a sacrament vs. marriage as an institution (i.e., marriage pre-Christ and / or marriage outside of the Catholic Church). Jorge explained how marriage as a sacrament, like all sacraments, provides sanctifying grace, that is, grace that makes you part of God's love. He drew a visual image of iron and fire; iron becomes red hot like fire as it draws close to fire. In the same way, when we receive sacramental graces from God, we become like God, expanding and enriching our relationship with Him. Alberto offered that marriage is a reflection of the original unity of man and woman in the Garden of Eden. Yet because of Original Sin, the sacramental graces of marriage are necessary to unite a man and woman with God.

Our discussion then centered around couples having children outside of marriage vs. married couples deciding not to have children. In both cases, we considered, they provided opportunities to grow in love, but the realization of the full potential of love could only be found in a committed marriage welcoming the possibility of having children.