Tonight’s discussion addressed the last section of Chapter Three called “The True Meaning of Chastity,” pages 166-173. Peter introduced this important section by saying that he found it to capture, in a certain sense, the essence of the book, and in fact the essence of the Pope. He focused our attention on the bottom of page 171, where Wojtyla writes, “The connection between chastity and love results from the personalistic norm, which — as we said in Chapter One — has a dual content: a positive content (‘thou shalt love!’) and a negative content (‘thou shalt not use!’).”
Many people put inordinate weight on the negative, and think of chastity in a negative sense, while John Paul, said Peter, puts it first in the positive context of thou shalt love. Alberto concurred, adding that one of the most attractive qualities of John Paul II is that he is so positive, and this clearly requires more intellectual effort and understanding than merely prohibiting this or that action.
Wojtyla explains that people are unwilling to acknowledge the enormous value of chastity to human love because they reject the full objective truth about the love of man and woman, and “put a subjective fiction in its place.” When the objective truth about love is accepted, chastity is understood as a great positive value and an essential element in “the culture of the person.” He then returns to his theme of the integration of love, asserting that “love is only psychologically complete when it possesses an ethical value, when it is a virtue. Only in love as a virtue is it possible to satisfy the objective demands of the personalistic norm, which requires "loving kindness" towards a person and rejects any form of ‘utilization’ of the person.”
He then proceeds to explain chastity in the context of St. Thomas Aquinas's hierarchy of virtues from Summa Theologica. In St. Thomas’ system, chastity is linked with the cardinal virtue of “moderation.” Wojtyla writes, “The virtue of moderation strives to save a reasonable being from this perversion of his nature.... The virtue of moderation helps reasonable people to live reasonably, and so to attain the perfection proper to their nature.”
Alberto explained that moderation is a question of placing the senses in a proper order — where reason is master of the senses. Patrick commented on Aristotle’s concept of the extremes and the mean, with virtue resting at the equilibrium, the mean. Wojtyla writes that a virtue is a habit, “a habitual attitude to the true good,” permanently in equilibrium, not just on occasions but with consistency. Laura added that it is important to stress the “true good” in this definition of virtue — cults, for example, have rules and regulations which members may follow habitually, but without a true good they are not virtuous.
Yet Wojtyla’s description of chastity transcends St. Thomas’ hierarchy of values (the Pope is “para-thomistic,” we joked). Wojtyla strives to emphasize the “kinship” between chastity and love. He says, “Chastity can only be thought of in association with the virtue of love. Its function is to free love from the utilitarian attitude.” As we know from our last section, this utilitarian attitude is grounded in carnal concupiscence, the subjectivism of emotions and the subjectivism of value judgments, and it can easily transition to “sinful love.”
“To be chaste,” Wojtyla writes, “means to have a ‘transparent’ attitude to a person of the other sex — chastity means just that — the interior transparency without which love is not itself, for it cannot be itself until the desire to enjoy is subordinated to a readiness to show loving kindness in every situation.”
Peter observed that if you are focused singularly on your own emotions, you cannot see the other person clearly. Patrick added that not only can you not see them, they cannot really see you — they never really come to know you as a person, and hence the relationship is incomplete. Joan remarked that you can, however, learn these things, learn about someone, by spending time with them.
Wojtyla cautions that chastity is often misunderstood to mean a blind inhibition of sensuality so that the value of the body is pushed into the subconscious — which explains why chastity is often mistaken for a negative virtue. He writes, “Chastity, in this view, is one long ‘no.’ Whereas it is above all the ‘yes’ of which certain ‘no’s’ are the consequence.”
“The essence of chastity consists in quickness to affirm the value of the person in every situation, and in raising to the personal level all reactions to the value of ‘the body and sex.’ This requires a special interior, spiritual effort, for affirmation of the value of the person can only be the product of the spirit, but this effort is above all positive and creative ‘from within,’ not negative and destructive. It is not a matter of summarily ‘annihilating’ the value ‘body and sex’ in the conscious mind by pushing reactions to them down into the subconscious, but of sustained long term integration; the value ‘body and sex’ must be grounded and implanted in the value of the person.”
Peter remarked that when it comes to chastity, you look at someone as a body or as a person — either one. Christopher West, in his tapes on the Eucharist and the Theology of the Body, mentioned that if you are oriented towards the person, you always respond to the person as a true good.
Peter then related a lament from a woman friend in Slovakia who spoke of the “Western wind” impacting that country since its liberation from communism. Young Slovaks now see how men and women relate in American movies, and Slovak women are concerned that Slovak men now expect that kind of behavior from them. Laura remarked that throughout history, women have been the keeper of the “heart.” Peter added that more has been given to women — the power to give life, for example. Women have more responsibility on their shoulders to say no, because they have been given a greater sensitivity to these issues. Patrick said he felt that men have dropped the ball. Alberto observed that many of the social problems we talk about today can be traced to so many single mothers, where children are not raised in a strong family atmosphere. Joan shared some of her daily observances as a counselor — young single women are looking for love and are even encouraged by their parents to have babies; it has become a status symbol, she said, along with accompanying peer pressure. Alberto added that many don’t believe that good is even possible. Peter told about a mother he met who was so very proud that her unmarried daughter had given birth to two children by the same man. That would mean they do implicitly recognize the dignity of marriage, Alberto said. Yes, Peter said, to some extent, but the long hard road for us is to resurrect the idea that it is possible to have a great family life. A lot of people don’t have a single positive role model. Alberto observed that in the past, a baby was considered a new soul, an objective good. Today, parents see the value to them — happiness, pride, etc. Many people today believe the world is overpopulated and that it is best to reduce the population. Having more than two children, they think, is selfish. Laura added that this parental attitude is reflected in parents refusing to discipline their children properly. They are afraid to give their children moral guidance — it is not formation, but rather indulgence. And because of relativism, people cannot make objective decisions; they don’t have a sense of right and wrong.
The Pope writes that chastity is a difficult, long term matter, “and one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit, for the happiness of loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness.” Chastity involves a humility of the body. Part of this humility is recognizing that we live with concupiscence through the consequences of original sin — that we have these negative tendencies and must work to counter them.
Wojtyla writes that the “body” must show humility in the face of human happiness. Happiness is not just mere enjoyment, the sum of pleasures the body can bring to a relationship between a man and woman. Man and woman “can and must seek their temporal, earthly happiness in a lasting union which has an interpersonal character since it is based in each of them on unreserved affirmation of the value of the person.” If the body is not humble, then it can obscure the full truth about the happiness of man — obscure the vision of the ultimate happiness: the happiness of the human person in union with a personal God. This, says Wojtyla is how we should understand Christ’s words from the Sermon on the Mount: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
“It should be added that the truth about the union of the human person with a personal God, which will be fully accomplished within the dimensions of eternity, at the same time illuminates more fully and makes plainer the value of human love, the value of the union of man and woman as two persons.” Marriage is a lasting union on earth to prepare ourselves for permanent union with God; in this way, marriage is the image of our relation with God.
The True Meaning of Chastity (second discussion)
At tonight’s discussion, the last meeting until we meet in the fall, we once again focused on the last section of Chapter Three called “The True Meaning of Chastity,” pages 166-173. Emily commented that the Pope has opened a door for us in that he explains why we have to say “no” in order to say “yes.” Here, she said, he was ahead of his times. Jackie agreed but added that Wojtyla was influenced by the thinking and writing of Dietrich von Hildebrand who had written extensively on love and marriage. Peter added that the Pope also clearly bases his thinking on what Jesus taught: love one another. In these pages, Wojtyla is getting back to the core of his message. Kevin added that Wojtyla is answering the question “why?” He is explaining why it is wrong to be unchaste or to use people in an objectified form — he is explaining what reduces the human character.
Wojtyla explains the commonly held view of chastity, and writes, “Chastity, in this view, is one long ‘no.’ Whereas it is above all the ‘yes’ of which certain ‘no’s’ are the consequence.” Peter observed that importantly for Wojtyla, the “yes” comes first. And this could be applied to any of the virtues, that they ought to be construed in a positive light, first and foremost.
This message of chastity as a positive element is extremely challenging to explain to secular people, Jackie remarked. Manny offered that those with a secular perspective are missing the reality — they are seeing a small part of the whole. He described the sexual drive as a metaphor of a hungry lion stalking deer. He pounces, kills the deer, eats the meat — never appreciating the beauty of the deer. Similarly even in our common jargon we speak of some places as “meat markets.” Kevin added that to understand Wojtyla’s view of chastity, one would need to believe in God and in the existence of the soul, else there is nothing to prevent one from using other human beings — and embryonic stem cell research is a current case in point. For these people, the human person has no value apart from utility.
Manny described society’s view as “Sex is natural, don’t you get it?” Yes, sex is natural, but you are not seeing the rest, that you are a human being and not an animal. Ellen commented that some tend to fragment and compartmentalize their lives — career vs. family, spiritual vs. physical; whereas our approach should be integrated, like holistic medicine, so that we are at peace with ourselves. Peter remarked that often people understand chastity as the choice between sex or no sex. His first boss used to say, “You can’t win a horse race without a horse.” In this case, love is the horse. The key is not to be focused on the “no sex,” but to live at the level of the person, “to love.”
Sean observed that, per the scriptural passage, nothing from without can defile, but only from within. Sin starts on a spiritual level and manifests on a physical level. We need to have the wisdom to recognize the truth, and then the strength to act in truth, to iconize our physical lives in the meaning of God’s creation.
Temporal, sexual pleasures lead to a joy which lacks humility, Kevin commented, where egoism, power and possessiveness come into play. Peter added that St. Thomas Aquinas spoke of humility as the subordination of the low to the high. The humility of the body is subject to reason and the love of the person.
It is important to see marriage as something more than a relationship and sex, Karee added; at its basis, it is the creation of a new family, where man and wife enter into a union with God and leave everything else behind, taking up your cross and following Him. Peter remarked that John Paul II describes the marriage act as the perfect imaging of God. Alberto reminded us that Father Bob speaks of Catholicism as an incarnate religion.
We returned to page 66 of Love & Responsibility to review where John Paul has outlined the three ends of marriage: the primary end is procreatio, but it has a secondary end, mutuum adiutorium; and apart from these, a tertiary end, remedium concupiscentiae. “Marriage, objectively considered, must provide first of all the means of continuing existence, secondly a conjugal life for man and woman, and thirdly a legitimate orientation for desire.” Peter noted John Paul’s very positive translation of the Latin “remedium concupiscentiae,” literally remedy for concupiscence, into “legitimate orientation for desire.” He also noted how love in the Pope’s thinking ties together the three ends: “The practical realization of all the purposes of marriage must then also mean the successful practice of love as a virture.”