A marriage is a "durable institution which forms the framework for the lifelong coexistence of a man and a woman" including acts of an economic, cultural, or religious character that combine to create a "rich and multifaceted communal life." Yet a married couple's sexual relations are especially important because they directly affect the development of love between persons. Each and every sexual act must have its own internal justification, Wojtyla says, for unless justice is done there can be no question of a union of persons. A whole number of factors can degrade the act of mutual love to a utilitarian level; it is in this context perhaps more than in any other, Wojtyla advises, that people must show responsibility for their love.
In this segment, Wojtyla returns to a discussion of the order of nature, which he says is above all, that of existence and procreation. "Sexual intercourse, on all occasions, is in the nature of things affected in one way or another by its primary purpose, procreation….the marital relationship is therefore not just a union of persons, a reciprocal relationship between a man and a woman, but is essentially a union of persons affected by the possibility of procreation." Thus, in the sexual relationship between a man and a woman, two orders meet: The order of nature, which has as its object reproduction, and the persona order, aimed at the fullest realization of love between persons.
We cannot separate these two orders; in fact, one depends on the other. "Sexual relations between a man and a woman in marriage have their full value as a union of persons only when they go with conscious acceptance of the possibility of parenthood. This is a result of the direct synthesis of the natural and personal order." Sean added that we make a big mistake if we think that our bodies are something we have vs. who we are. Who we are is the hallmark/the icon of the Creator.
Therefore, when a man and woman have intercourse, their union must be accompanied by an awareness that they may become parents. Sexual union is only raised to the level of the person when it is accompanied in the mind and will by the acceptance of the possibility of parenthood. If the possibility of parenthood is deliberately excluded, the relationship changes from mutual love to bilateral enjoyment, incompatible with the personalistic norm.
Some say man should not subordinate himself to nature. Wojtyla responds by stating that "nature cannot be conquered by violating its laws." Man cannot triumph over nature through violence (the violence being the violation of the other person by making it an object of enjoyment rather than an object of love). He concludes: acceptance of the possibility of procreation in the marital relationship safeguards love and is an indispensable condition of a truly personal union. And he adds, "There is a fundamental contradiction between 'loving' and 'using' a person."
Wojtyla then clarifies that marital sexual intercourse does not need to have procreation as its end. He says, "We cannot demand of the spouses that they must positively desire to procreate on every occasion when they have intercourse…. Marriage is an institution which exists for the sake of love, not merely for the purpose of biological reproduction. Marital intercourse is in itself an interpersonal act, an act of betrothed love, so that the intentions and attention of each partner must be fixed on the other, upon his or her true good. They must not be concentrated on the possible consequences of the act, especially if that would mean a diversion of attention from the partner…. It is sufficient to say that 'in performing this act we know that we may become parents and we are willing for that to happen." Peter observed that there are two dangers, first using a spouse as a means of enjoyment, and second, having children as the sole aim, rather than the union of love.
Wojtyla writes about natural family planning: man, as an intelligent creature, can arrange things such that sexual intercourse does not result in procreation, by having intercourse during fertile periods and abstaining during infertile periods. This is in accord with the laws of nature, whereas artificial means of birth control deprive conjugal relations of their naturalness. As long as a husband and wife do not use artificial means to prevent procreation, they are accepting in their consciousness and will the possibility of parenthood.
Peter commented that the Church advocates 'responsible parenthood' -- we are not supposed to have as many children as physically possible, but we are to approach the question with generosity. He added that from his conversations with non-contracepting couples, NFP is not easy -- the temptation to use contraception is always there. But to answer the question of why not birth control, one simple answer is that it is degrading to women. Tata added that Wojtyla's message is very simple: we are all part of nature, nature procreates, but we are men and women, and there are emotions and will involved. There is now something called responsibility that enters the picture. We use reason to be more responsible and break nature.
The group discussed the effect of contraception on couples. John suggested that it could be manifested in a consumerist mentality. Sarah said that since they are hiding from each other, there has to be some effect. Ed added that NFP couples have a negligible divorce rate. Laura agreed, adding that a 'bad seed is bound to have consequences.' Contracepting couples are withholding from each other, not giving freely. Peter reflected upon a message of Fr. Doyle, who said that temptation is not necessarily a choice between something good and something bad, but something good and something better; in other words, people who are contracepting could have better relationships. Juan echoed Janet Smith, saying 'if I am in love with my wife, I want another just like her.' Juan spoke of the young people in his neighborhood who are especially wounded by their sexual conduct outside of marriage. The women, he said, are so damaged that they no longer believe there is a love that IS true and holy and honorable.
Wojtyla concludes this section by saying, "Man must reconcile himself to his natural greatness." Especially when man immerses himself in the natural order, he must not forget that he is a person: instinct alone will not suffice, and he must make decisions based on his interior self, his reason and his sense of responsibility. "Willingness for parenthood is an indispensable condition for love."